Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Officially Depressed!

Today we were back at Reproductive Biology Associates (RBA) for another procedure. This was actually an ultrasound where the doctor poured sterile water into my uterus to be sure there was nothing going on in my uterus to keep me from getting pregnant. The prognosis...not sure. There is something in my uterus that he cannot detect. He saw during surgery a few months back and couldn't figure it out, and could not determine anything looking at the ultra sound today.

What does this mean?

Well, that I cried a lot today. Just another blow to my dream of becoming pregnant. First, my uterus is not curved once, but twice! Not typical of the average woman...of course! Nothing else with my reproductive organs has been normal, why would my uterus???? This could be the cause of what the doctor is seeing. Worse case scenario? It is another form of endometriosis which is really bad and could most likely prevent me from getting pregnant, even with IVF. AND of course as we walk out of the office today, in walks a freaking pregnant woman! I swear, if I see another pregnant woman or hear of another friend or acquaintance getting pregnant I am going to scream! Ok, maybe not. I am happy for my friends and acquaintances who are getting pregnant, but please forgive me if I am not overflowing with joy. Honestly, I am jealous and wish it was me. This is the hardest thing I have ever gone through and unfortunately do not see it coming to an end soon.

The doctors suggestion?
Go ahead and go through with IVF, think positive, pray and hopefully this mass is nothing and we get pregnant.

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Lots of updates

I haven't done a good job of keeping this blog up. It has been null and void actually. I started back when Luke and started dating and stopped updating right when we hit the year mark. A lot has happened since then. We got married, got pregnant, had a miscarriage and now are struggling with infertility. Which brings me to today. I started thinking, that as a way to cope I should start journal-ling, then I remembered the blog I started awhile back. Thinking that if I blog, not only can all our friends and family who want updates can stay updated, hopefully this will bring much needed support for me and to other out there dealing with infertility as well.

So let's go back a bit. Luke and I got married on July 17, 2010. On our "honeymoon" (we didn't actually go on a honeymoon) we got pregnant. Not trying to get pregnant, just got lucky. Since then, I really know how lucky we really were. After getting over the shock of being pregnant, just 8 weeks and 5 days later we lost it. After coping with that loss we began to try again. Every month we were hopeful and then disappointed when we didn't get a positive. My OB had me on Clomid for 3 months to better our chances, during this 3 month period I started to notice my left ovary hurting all the time. Several ultra sounds later and it not going down he started to suspect endormetriosis (I had never had any previous symptoms). He thus sent me to an infertility doctor.

Introducing Dr. Slayden and RBA (Reproductive Biology Associates)! Dr. Slayden confirmed the diagnosis of Endometriosis and we started on the road of infertility.

Summer came and Luke and I celebrated our 1st year anniversary in Jamaica. The week after we came back I had surgery to remove the cyst on my left ovary (the cause of my pain), the cyst on my right ovary and open up my right Fallopian tube. Which we had learned earlier was blocked.

After surgery we started on a regimen of 3 months of Depolupron (sp?) to shut my system down and allow my body to recover. Then we started the shots to get my ovaries to produce eggs. We had decided to due an IUI over IVF because of cost. We were very hopeful.

We got 8 follicles! Luke had to drive up from Alabama and I was inseminated twice to increase my chances of getting pregnant. I also has to give myself progesterone every morning and wear estrogen patches every day for 2 weeks. The period after insemination is commonly know as the 2 week wait in the infertility world. The hardest and longest 2 weeks of my life!

Being very hopeful and suspecting we were pregnant, on Monday, December 19 I woke up at 4 AM to take a test and it was negative. Which brings me to where we are now.

We now will be doing IVF and we start everything over. Here's to a new year and hopefully new additions to our family! Stay turned as I will continue update now, and hopefully this will turn from an infertility blog to a baby blog!