Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Officially Depressed!

Today we were back at Reproductive Biology Associates (RBA) for another procedure. This was actually an ultrasound where the doctor poured sterile water into my uterus to be sure there was nothing going on in my uterus to keep me from getting pregnant. The prognosis...not sure. There is something in my uterus that he cannot detect. He saw during surgery a few months back and couldn't figure it out, and could not determine anything looking at the ultra sound today.

What does this mean?

Well, that I cried a lot today. Just another blow to my dream of becoming pregnant. First, my uterus is not curved once, but twice! Not typical of the average woman...of course! Nothing else with my reproductive organs has been normal, why would my uterus???? This could be the cause of what the doctor is seeing. Worse case scenario? It is another form of endometriosis which is really bad and could most likely prevent me from getting pregnant, even with IVF. AND of course as we walk out of the office today, in walks a freaking pregnant woman! I swear, if I see another pregnant woman or hear of another friend or acquaintance getting pregnant I am going to scream! Ok, maybe not. I am happy for my friends and acquaintances who are getting pregnant, but please forgive me if I am not overflowing with joy. Honestly, I am jealous and wish it was me. This is the hardest thing I have ever gone through and unfortunately do not see it coming to an end soon.

The doctors suggestion?
Go ahead and go through with IVF, think positive, pray and hopefully this mass is nothing and we get pregnant.


jaxster08 said...

Praying for you and Luke!! I am so sorry you are going through this, but God only gives these trials to ones who can handle them. You and Luke have a plan and it will work for you.

cassy11 said...

Just wanted to let you know that both John and I think of you (and Luke) frequently and are praying for you. Even though I cannot begin to imagine your heartache, my heart does hurt for you. Don't give up, know that there are people out there who love and support you, and try to stay positive. Love you...